she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
