You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
