he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
