are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
