dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
