took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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