This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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