I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
