i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
