what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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