Where is the hickey?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
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