I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
