Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
