I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
