it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
