It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
