I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
