What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
