I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
