Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
