id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
