I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
