It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
