I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
