We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
