I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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