Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
