The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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