On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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