I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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