I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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