My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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