I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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