Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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