Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
