I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
