There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
