Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
