i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
