Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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