Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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