So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
