Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
