Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
