If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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