He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
