just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
