i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
