I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And then he peed in my hair
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