I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
