...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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