I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
