Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
